zainyløve

Bo liao.

2006-11-22T09:49:00.000+08:00

Seriously, milk chocolate is disgusting. I mean, though I'm not particularly fond of chocolate but dark chocolate still tastes good (refined). But milk chocolate is ew, ew, EW. Face the fact for christ's sake, milk chocolate is cheap junk food, low in cocoa content and fattening, sometimes even artificially coloured. So please, please, stop going gaga over everything that's gotta do with chocolate.

By the way, the girls thrashed Peicai and scored a tie with Sembawang. But Sembawang had won St Hildas so they got into the semi-finals instead of us. That's not fair.

they say

2006-11-18T12:27:00.000+08:00

It hurts to say so you didn't tell me, I would've done the same if I were you. But before the bruise on my face leave with time, we can continue our little lost & found game.

However, I can't find no words to finish this sentence because you're so lovely and intentions are cruel fullstop

keep on losing

2006-11-17T17:13:00.000+08:00

Senoirs came for training today, the weather flitted repeatedly and Mr Lim couldn't stop being sarcastic. Walked round with the girls, managed a long-lasting meal down the stomach.

And I srsly want to believe that I can make it through today, tomorrow and then another day, 'cos no one seems to understand. I'll be okay. Or will I?

anorexia nervosa

2006-11-16T20:54:00.000+08:00

God I think I'm going to die I can't stop purging my throat hurts I can't breathe I'm going to die like Ana Reston I'm so scared but I just can't stop I want to go to heaven god where the girls are beautiful and thin I'm going to die.

Tournament.

2006-11-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

The girls had a match with Sembawang today. They lost and Mr Lim was fuming, or that's what he looked like. Rachel had me sleeping on the bus taped onto her cellphone, my hair was ridiculous. I lost my handbook so went off earlier with Gracy who kindly cabbed me home.

Anyway, I'm running out of attires because the mother is off to the States so nobody is washing them. My skin is peeling like a bleeding snake and my lips are bloody chipped. Most likely I came from Pluto.

(But then my blood is in a very unflattering shade of red. Ew.)

eyes wide.

2006-11-10T17:44:00.000+08:00

It was quite apalling actually, when bits of dry skin on my forehead descended before my eyes during training. I first thought they were dandruffs, then with horrifying knowledge I realized that those are pieces of my bleeding skin. /pale. Three layers of SPF52 sunblock were nothing but paperthin defences against the killer sun, no?

My phyiscal condition is just distressing. In a matter of fact, Ms Lim was really fine. But jeepers, you should've seen Mr Lim's ~~spastic~~ astonished face on hearing that I was sensitive to sunlight. Zzz. And Travis thinks that it's very funny, fancy calling me a child of darkness. Inspite of my night vision, it's aptly described I must admit. D:

thinking hurts and thoughts don't rhyme

2006-11-09T07:51:00.000+08:00

O' morning. I'm now reluctant to eat my breakfast for the new set of pills, and there's training 40minutes later. Ms Lim phoned and I was told that I couldn't stop going for training unless my new CCA is being approved. Jeepers, I thought she'd sacked me when I flew to Hk without her approval. (B-but then, look at Jermain!)

This sucks please, I need to drink like a gallon of ice water everyday because those pills are causing really bad dehydration, plus my increased sensitivity to Sunlight. Playing under the bleeding Sun will murder me. Sun block just won't do, I'll crack down piece by piece. Omg.

You and My Diet Regime

2006-11-07T19:15:00.000+08:00

Life sucks, don't refute. You aren't living my life and you are not me.

Blame me for hypocrisy, I'd do it to you all over again. Can't stop me from hiding myself when you just don't see and get the fuck, say no more of 'how do I know if you don't explain', when you don't know you just don't know.

See for youself.

still alive.

2006-11-05T15:40:00.000+08:00

I'm lost,
I'm lost,
I'm lost, but I'm still alive. Barely but still hanging on. You didn't see the life through my tears, I set 'em free everyday. I'm free, now, it's your turn to get free. Sad, sometimes you just don't pay the people around you enough attention, keep dreaming your dream like it's gonna keep you alive.

Or do I really have to say everything in black and white, blow by blow? Just feel with your heart(beat).

Wait till I can't cry no more. But then you wouldn't care no more, aye?

salty

2006-11-03T03:32:00.000+08:00

It's sometimes sad and doleful to see the people around me either achieving their goals or engaging in some ass kicking relationships, because I'm selfish and own nothing to make them ~~jealous~~ envious.

But it's fair, I always say, since I never worked hard for those nonexistent goals. Or as it seems. From time to time I furtively attempt an aimless try to accomplish something in (or just improve) my ephemeral life, sez mugging for exam and volleyball, but the efforts never pay off so ultimately I forsake the whole vile idea of even thinking of trying.

I studied humanities for EOY since it was undoubtfully my worst subject. Pointless to pay attention in class, it was Ms Suzie who was teaching. In the end I failed history and gained a borderline pass for Geography and look I was just glad to have passed overall! Whammy.

In the meantime, I'll just stop here (lest abject glances amid whispers along the hallway), and try to fucking sleep. (Still I never got around to break it to Wanchew everytime she went 'you can if you try!'.)

meshes and more

2006-11-02T19:25:00.000+08:00

Money was spent, material goods kill. (But it feels so good.) The mother is getting suspicious of me not attending holiday training and I lack the excuse, now that the haze is gone. Projects unprogressive, handphone not yet to be redeemed. Calories were all that's left to cuss.

I always wanted more.

Chase

2006-10-28T22:25:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow I'll be off to Hongkong till, wednesday or so. There's a minute bit of uneasiness, perhaps because that I'm leaving without Vitamin A and handphone. Life goes on regardless of those junks, bless plane crash.

Someone is bringing me down, intensively, I feel it. Everytime the memories arise, I (really) focus hard to usher my mind back to reality, but still they burn away each time with a part of me. It isn't really a vicious cycle or how do I put it in words; if I don't do something the memories will always be there, engrained and liquefying me into nothingness, however when I recollect them they seize a part of me as they depart, so subsequently, I'll lose myself. Ah! Dilemma be it.

On the birght side (riiight), things like this won't fret me long, like when I was told that blood is red due to red blood cells. O' words speak and choose, make sense and loose.

I miss you quite direly.

2006-10-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

I'm fasting for tomorrow's blood test. >:

/
Why does it always have to be me,
that's always left out to burn,
and I'll never learn.

All is said and done and over.

2006-10-26T22:24:00.000+08:00

Oh, last day of school. I was actually sulking and brooding over the fact that I had to attend 4 PC sessions in a straight row on the last day of school, to redeem the handphone that was confiscated just yesterday. Sweet jesus.

So/ But/ Still, Pizza today. Joyous love with girlfriends, namely Julia, Elis, Nicole, Jo and Deon. Movies and manicure following. My nails were cut yesterday (I shall spare the details or shall I?) thus they are now super short and fugleyh. Inspite of that I still did my nails, black for me whereas purple for Elis since the purple I wanted was used up. D:

And guess what I'm most probably gonna be sacked 'cos I didn't attend training since it was resumed for I was a little pissed with everyone and aye I do know it's my own fault but I don't care so why should you?

P.S. OH JEEPERS I'M PROMOTED SUCCESSFULLY CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I CAN'T!

A little more to go

2006-10-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

There are... two(?) more days left before school ends. I'm not confident of promoting but language arts pulled my percentage up. Sort of. Well, I'm open now, I'll choose Art if I really got transferred to Normal stream or what. Not that I'm good at it or what, I don't even think I can draw and it's not some simple inferior complex. Uh.

Stayover at Ken's yesterday, tattled about simply everything. Friends around us that try to hold on to another, afraid of losing their self-assumed popularity and shitz yo. Then him, then me, and us. I love guy friends, I really do. They don't betray, don't backstab, don't get jealous easily, don't abandon you in a foreign shopping street, don't fret when I borrow their phones for a little while. Or maybe it's just him. But.. I'm just prone to guy friends than girl friends.

Come away with me

2006-10-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

I like: Walk, girlfriends, tree hugging, thumb ring, manicure with Julia, Pride and Prejudice, naked iPod, tampon, dark nights, video of Jo, doodles of flowers, pencil, hair, Samuel, dreams.

Something inside me is melting in tandem with a faint melody of Fiona Apple, into steamy and evanescent oblivion. Happy and positively.

Hatred

2006-10-19T07:50:00.000+08:00

I hate you.

A hatred so deep that incisions are made all over my soul; so tense my heart bleeds with every breath of air I inhale when you are next to me. Maybe you should hate me back, hate me so bad that you want to die, just like the way I hate you. Then, I may feel better. Because it hurts the most to know that my hatred can't reach you. I hope it can kill you.

(Yes, it's you bitch, it's you!)

Try & fail & try again.

2006-10-15T21:31:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's monday. Another monday. I hate mondays.

I have to get back those revolting exam papers of mine, and carefully write down the corrections in green ink. Sick. Then, I'll have to face the heart-breaking fact that I'm going to Normal stream. Of course, I try not to think of it too often anymore, trying not to point fingers at those teachers who can't teach. I mean, yes, there're still people who managed to pass, though a mere three, but they did pass. Pointless as it seems to harp on teachers who mark each class with prejudice too.

Everyone is an aisinine fag.

I'll haunt the world inside you

2006-10-12T01:21:00.000+08:00

I don't plan to sleep tonight, insomnia is a friend.

"To think those vile school days, when I went to bed at 10pm, just to have my body laid down for a rest, and fell faintly asleep at 3am. My thoughts never ceased, they meandered on in thin black lines, like my doodles. When I shut my eyelids, when I looked out of the window, all I heeded were meshes of lies. The nightsky differed, it was still as gray as Sayuri's eyes, but somehow I felt so strangely empty. It was as if I was a robot, a robot who lost a mechanical part. But the part that I lost was not vital, it seemed like just an insignificant screw, but I felt so odd. And the sugary bitterness of the breezes blew my dim memory of a time when I had so much to lose, far away from home."

What did you do when I was so jaded? Why can't I eat my lies and stop lying to you? My life whispered me last night that it wanna come to a crashing halt, would you please help?

La

2006-10-10T20:22:00.000+08:00

Freedom, freedom.

FUCKER I'M FREE HAHAHAHAHAHA I DON'T CARE IF I'M HEADING NORMAL STREAM I'M NOT FUCKING STUDYING ANYMORE HAHAHAHAHA \M/

HAHAHAH.

So, I'm not gonna (hell) reflect on how ~~badly~~ I've done for those mother fucking exams since I can't even remember. Besides it is irksome that those idiots (who can score As) yakking 24/7 about 'o-how pathetically had they done for their papers and how they are bloody gonna fail for a 2mark question which they've done wrongly. They deserve a tight slap, srsly.

Though school's opening as usual (aw), it'll be much tolerable since EOYs are over. But, training starts next week. D:::::::::

To be lost in a forest.

2006-10-09T14:53:00.000+08:00

Iunoe why I ain't mugging really hard for tomorrow, fucked-up as it seems, if I screw tomorrow's paper, I'm heading straight to Normal stream. Like, seriously.

Mmm. I'm broke, bought a new computer table at Ikea yesterday. It was cheap, but I'm still broke. Promised girlfriends drinks for Deathnote, better start living from hand to mouth. Heh.

Freedom, tomorrow afternoon, jeepers.

Get Free

2006-10-05T15:29:00.001+08:00

Dear Friend,

What makes you think that she will love you forever? I've already told you five thousand times that there is no forever for our feelings, but I know that my words could barely reach you and your heart. You deem that forever is a splendid thing; for me, forever is just a platonic cliche that people pathetically came up with only to cease their insecurity. Even you can't love her forever, say 6000 years? It's a torment. In the end you'll fall in circles, on the concrete floor of heart-breaking reality.

Besides you are, but, a mere secondary student. How can you be so sure that the feeling you feel toward her is love? Like what one of my teachers said, "The 'love' you think you are having now won't last." How right, it won't even last, why bother about forever? You are undergoing the stage of puberty, still, I'm not indicating that your 'love' is just a momentary infatuation. When you finally outgrow it, you'll realise that this is all just a... phase.

I'm not typing this in the place of someone who has had more experience than you, I simply am not sure of myself too. But as a friend. Because somehow, someway, love always murders friendship tracelessly. (I'm going to say a stupid thing.) My higher chinese paper today stated that as a friend, we should be like Tofu(zzz), accept the rainy days of our friends. When one looks back, he/she remembers a friend's pardoning.

Please be clearheaded, I don't want to see you fall. One day, you'll not be able to stand up firm and shrug your wounds away.

Sincerely.

I trip over everything you say

2006-09-30T22:32:00.000+08:00

I didn't study shit for any upcoming goddamn shit exam and I just can't care less.

There was an ear accessory spree last friday with girlfriends, Jo and I went home with one more earhole pierced. Snapped pictures of P & I ~~petting~~ eating. Nicole is down with Hand foot mouth shit please recover soon, darling, we miss you so.

The mother is bitch but I'm getting used to her, well more like coerced into adaptation. Surviving is human natural.

I just want to break you down so badly; in the worst way.

It's So Hard

2006-09-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

Prescribed sleeping pills and vitamins are given, an afternoon with a big bowl of beef noodle and nutri-tea, spent lackadaisically glueing pieces of my heart back together using time.

/
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive.

Ambiguous Destination.

2006-09-26T17:56:00.000+08:00

What the fuck. I updated three blogs today. Counting 6 days 'till the goddamn exams arrive.

Now I know why I can only gawk and salivate at other shitheads' results at the end of the year, for when others are mugging (even Rachel, like please?!) and slogging their shit out, I'm busy playing maple and fucking my life away. Pfft.

It's not like I don't want to study, for oh-those pretty As, but my brain just auto shut down when I try to do so. Like pretty pretty fucking please, can someone teach me maths?! (And Geog, History, Physics, Chemitry, Biology, Chinese, Literature, thankyou bloody much.)

You moved on.

2006-09-24T16:49:00.000+08:00

Dunoe, not sure, dosen't matter.

English composition not done, chinese letter (x2) not done, mathematics left at school, history left at school, test tomorrow, exam in 7 days. I hope today is my last day.

Friday, amen.

2006-09-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

It seems like I own every goddamn reason to get fucked-up and die, but I shall wait for my pretty chem result, for Guan Hua and Rachel are hot sexes, for Alicia is lessthanthree. (Aw, bet you are smiling to yourself!) For laxitive, The Asinine Swine (addtional gastric & stomach), Tv Addict and elephant. For teachers that deemed my flippancy, sexy red blood that oozed out from my 8th earhole, nightmares of tick-tock ghost. Furthermore, a walking disaster that'll never be superseded, but to be forgotten.

Plain but aptly phrased, the smothered butterflies are to rest in peace and neatly bleached out by my youthful time. Nothing stands.

I want you here

2006-09-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

Slowly, the minute part of you I'm grasping on so hard is fading away. We are slipping out of each other's world effortlessly.

Today's match against the Singapore Amercian School sucked. I don't want, and need not, to think.

I need a tutor and porky.
(Desperately.)

You only live once

2006-09-14T21:50:00.000+08:00

Never assert that I'm an irresponsible blogger, I'm making it clear to you now that if one day I suddenly cease to blog, I'm dead.

It is not my true intention to die with turds and the people I hate most in my life, but I do want them dead before me. Preferably, in my hand. Hush if you wanna sez a verbose speech of my foolishness and shit, you are too shallow to comprehend my life. Still, A sharp pen-knife that pierces into one's flesh keen and harsh is very much appreciated.

I'd like to be buried in a fine cemetery, within a spacious coffin of dark maroon wood but not burnt into ashes. Please do something to prevent me rotting away with faggots, thankyou.

(I damn walking disaster.)

WHAT THE FUCK

2006-09-13T22:08:00.000+08:00

WHAT THE FUCK I'M SO PISSED AT EVERY BLOODY THING AND EVERY BLOODY ONE AND BLOODY PMS JUST FUCK IT WHAT THE FUCK.

CME PROJECT NOT DONE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK, THE STORY OF INTEGRITY SOURED AND BECAME THE STORY OF JEALOUSY LIKE WHAT THE FUCK NO ONE GIVES A BLOODY FUCKING DAMN.

READING REFLECTION UNTOUCHED SCREW IT PLEASE MS NUR IS FUCKING ADAMANT OF THE DEADLINE FUCK SCHOOL FUCK TEACHERS MIDDLE PARTING GO FUCK THE FLOOR AND DIE IN AGONY WITH MATHS EQUATIONS.

YEO SHU SHAN YELIING LIKE A MOTHER DOG IN AWFUL SINGLISH AND SPELLING CLIQUE AS CLICK LECTURING CLAIMING THAT SHE IS BLOODY DISGRACED OF OUR BLOODY CLASS SO BE IT THAT STEREOTYPISH AISININE TWIT WHAT THE FUCKING HELL.

SAMUEL WONG JUN HAO DOSEN'T BLOODY GIVE A FUCKING DAMN LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE WORLD AND WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO STAY UP TILL FOUR AND SCAN THE BLOODY TERRIFIC GREY SKY LIKE SHITHEADS WITH ME AGAIN AND WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO REPEAT THAT HE'LL BE THERE FOR ME LIKE FOREVER AND BROKE IT LIKE ALWAYS JUST FUCK IT AND DIE WALKING DISASTER SUCKS AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING DAMN ABOUT MY SHITTY TOMORROW FUCK.

An update

2006-09-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

Engrossed in heavy masturbation with Julia.
/

I'll have a proper update tomorrow or so, I really need one. CME project, training and PMS are weighing me, down.

Ta.

<3

2006-09-10T00:53:00.000+08:00

Regina rocks. Rachel rocks. Jeremy rocksssss.

Mapled the whole day with Sherell and Xiangjun \m/. I was told that school starts next monday and I just, did, realized that Middle-parting's homework has disappeared. Hallelujah, good riddance. The meeting with Ms Lim on monday to explain my absence for training exterminates all other shit emotions.

Wdv, I killed 1000 bunnies today and I rock \m/

Did you mean?

2006-09-06T20:17:00.000+08:00

I'm strained, ennui, ireful, screw-up & broken.

Training killed me today, it really did. We played a friendly ~~match~~ round against the B' boys, 25:1. Ms Lim fucked up and went over the place yelling at us, then left loudly after the first round. We apologized while she was eating in the canteen right after a brief reflection on our wrongs, earsplitting bull.

On the way back Wanchew looked so frail with her bloodshot eyes, I really felt sorry for her. Imagine the emotional turmoil she'd go through if we all quit on the team, just Yasmin left. Darl' watermelon, you must really stand strong.

Damn, I don't even feel like talking to Porky.

Always your way.

2006-09-05T11:25:00.000+08:00

A little time ago,
I didn't wanna see us falling out but everything has gone.

~~Fever, Insomnia. It might be a misunderstanding but hell, we'll never know, I'll never know. Cock sucking moodswing with unclear intention.~~

I take back everything, but we've indeed changed.

You are something special

2006-09-04T21:59:00.000+08:00

Sam's back.

Training from Tuesday to Friday, slaughter me. (Seriously, I don't give a damn if you bloody sick bastards are reading this, I/Don't/Care. )

Meaningless.

2006-09-03T17:40:00.000+08:00

I'm missing Samuel terribly, it's harder than ever. It's a torment to wake up without his good morning, I'd rather pretend to be asleep under the thin blanket until he comes back.

Down with a mild fever; ergo, come back fast walking disaster.

/Back to sleep.

How?

2006-09-02T09:38:00.000+08:00

Sam is away for camp. It is as if he took my abdomen along, I can no longer feel the butterflies, but just full of hollowness in there.

B-but... he's only away for camp.

Gd' morning by the way.

So far away

2006-08-31T21:01:00.000+08:00

I solemnly loathe people who can't differentiate a question and a retortaion. Bloody hell.

Edit: I couldn't have cared less of my (vindictive) attitude, with the swelling emptiness occupying my fucked-up head, mind you. It's just my way of surviving; hiding away in a corner wallowing, but not sharing my bleeding wound with people. Accept it, I can't just sit down and have a nice afternoon chichat of what hurt me so bad. Won't you stop trying to change me into someone like you? What you see, is what you get.

#

2006-08-29T19:42:00.000+08:00

I will never let this go,
but I can't find the words to tell you.
I don't want to be alone,
but now I feel like I don't know you.

Walking Disaster

2006-08-29T18:12:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday.

I'm so screwed that I couldn't even squeeze out the time for a meet-up. Like, so sincerely. I don't know how to capture the flashing trice of emotion and those butterflies futtering around my abdomen.

What do I know about love?
What do you know about love?

I'd do the hokey-pokey.

Survival (2)

2006-08-24T18:43:00.000+08:00

I'm currently running away from home, using computer for $2/hour at a club introduced by XJ. The mother cut my internet connection but it's only part of a zillion reasons why I'm not at home.

Secret

2006-08-22T20:08:00.000+08:00

Don't sms or call me because my handphone is confisticated, until I finish attending 4 PC sessions which (hopefully) end on friday. Damn.

This is just survival

2006-08-19T12:08:00.000+08:00

So much for flitting about pleading for someone to teach me stem & leaf diagram, frequency table and all that shit, the test was on angles.

Physics was sort of fine since Wanchew whispered me the questions in advance, but Huiyi snatched my text away to check for Newton's second law of motion which I confirmed with her that wouldn't turn out in the test (and it didn't), before I could look for the answers. Uh-oh. And I got all my SI units wrong.

Jeepers, don't be anything but okay.

Take somebody home

2006-08-16T21:24:00.000+08:00

I know you won't believe if I say that I don't need help. So just take it as you can't help me.

Something inside is screaming for attention now, but I can't bring myself to type it out here, making another faux pas, when I've already spent the last of my residue sanity to stop myself from being an autistic.

Maybe, maybe, later at Lj if I can live till then. Hah, I actually want to drop dead now when there are merely four more years to live.

I'm still waiting for the right opportunity to break my Higher Chinese result to the mum. My internet connection is something too precious to lose.

Silent

2006-08-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

Shut.

Up, teachers are driving me nuts. Seriously, you don't just stand there and demand for our respect, you earn it! Especially when we find it extremly hard to summon an ounce of respect through your teaching. Speaking of teaching, teachers should also reflect on their teaching methods instead of just blaming us for not paying enough attention during class.

Fucked too. Someone has bloody no balls. My pink sanitary pad was thrown upon rain water, stepped under giganic feet, then confisticated and tended in an ugly black suitcase. Causing me to suffer the dampness of my outworn pad during training.

Be, very, careful: IP 219.74.124.249 & IP 59.189.66.150.

That wish I made in the darkness.

2006-08-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

I know I'm not imagining it.

Are you posing or are you sincere? I don't know and I don't want to think about it.

And it is never so easy to erase you like deleting an incoming sms from the phone. Which I would probably ponder of its realness afterwards because I weren't sure that I had really received it or made it up on thin air.

Now that I hope you are part of my wild imaginations.

We are walking disasters.

Or I may.

2006-08-13T20:49:00.000+08:00

Too much emotions and thoughts cramming inside my tiny brain.
Honestly, I'm a little tired to bore.

I guess not everyone chooses the wrong choice, makes the wrong decision, has false alarms everytime. Or at least not this frequent.

Don't think, don't think, don't think.

/

Welcome back to where we had begun

2006-08-12T21:26:00.000+08:00

Changed back to blogspot.com since the hosting web's going to expire. Please relink.

Maple has got me addicted :D

Anyway, I'm still trying to break my miserable HCL result to the mother. She's such a bitch you know, heavy moodswings all day long. Bet she's entering some sort of early menopause. First she docks my allowance by half which now is a bloody 25 bucks, then she asks me to play golf with her. Hell.

Off to happy happy happy mapling :D

Not fated

2006-08-09T09:58:00.000+08:00

Sian. Stucked at some big boss' office with a handbook and iPod and homework in some part of Malaysia.

Going back home soon, I miss ya Deadbeatlove :D

Moments

2006-08-02T20:09:00.000+08:00

Farah Diva forced the whole class to stay back for Art remedial and it was a waste of time because after hours of my fleeting youth spent ~~having fun~~ cutting out complicated designs by Rachel from a film using a lousy blunt craft knife, ~~that cow~~ she failed us while ranting on and on of how heart-broken she was that because of people like us the society does not understand art.

Went back to Loyang Primary today with Yueqi in order to skip Maths remedial. Saw Jane's sister and Nosebleed in a black mini-skirt.

/

She

2006-08-02T07:48:00.000+08:00

Guess what, I'm suppose to be dong SRA outside the HOD room now. Whatever shit.

Anyway, I must thank Audrey Joanne alot alot alot for typing the literature notes out for me ( it's fuckin' long ) when I didn't bring whatever shit home for revision. THANKYOU :D I really owe it to you.

P/s. I just found out that it's really hard for me to study without a neon background behind the text orelse the words will all jumble up and I won't feel like studying anymore, then recite them like some shitty idiot in random MSN conversations. D:

Girl

2006-08-01T21:55:00.000+08:00

I just hate hate hate hate hate you so bloody much. It ain't jealousy. Or maybe it is. That dosen't matter. I just hate you so bloody much. You took my work, ideas, actions, friends away and made them yours. You call them original. You act like what you aren't. You have no bloody idea how much I trusted you & now I have to weigh the truth in every word you speak. The holes you drilled and nails you hammered into my heart will remain there as long as you fucking stay in my head. Go away.

edit: If you think you know who I'm referring to, you are most likely wrong.

Don't wait

2006-07-29T16:29:00.000+08:00

Don't wait,
Don't wait,
The road is now,
A sudden sea, and suddenly,
You're deep enough to lay your armor down,
To lay your armor down,
To lay your armor down.

Don't wait,
Don't wait.
The lights will flash, and fade away.
The days will pass you by.
Don't wait to lay your armor down,
To lay your armor down,
To lay your armor down,
To lay your armor down,
To lay your armor down.
/

I couldn't survive this fucked-up week without Sam. I don't even fucking know why I put this at rest.

Music is sex

2006-07-27T21:34:00.000+08:00

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Livejournal (or blog) along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening to in absolute random order.

1. Dashboard Confessional - Dusk & Summer.
2. The Feeling - Fill My Little World.
3. Her Space Holiday - Japanese Gum
4. The Strokes - 12:51.
5. Frou Frou - Let Go.
6. Zolof The Rock & Roll Destroyer - Super OK.
7. Box Car Racer - There Is.

Tagged :
1. Xueyin (Because she's the best senoir in the world, and she has superb taste in music.)
2. Laura. (Though she listens to mainstream rock.)
4. Huiyi (This is just for her to update her blog 'cos I can foresee her answers.)
5. Claire.
6. Rachel.
7. Whoever lah.

Just do it when you're free ok.

I can do this alone

2006-07-26T20:00:00.000+08:00

Had the NAPFA five stations today, passed overall I suppose :D

Literature Modular has been postponed to the next wednesday after all the sweat and shit I spent last night trying to drill a fucking bit of Chapter9 into my preoccupied brain.

Moments of Xiangjun captured,

Eyes wide open

2006-07-25T20:04:00.000+08:00

I got Deon a cartilage piercing today :D
I'm going to wake up real early tomorrow and report ouside the HOD room D:

/
It's not like I am weak,
Or that I don't know how to leave,
It's just that every time you cheat,
You bring me closer to defeat.

Shake it off

2006-07-24T18:45:00.000+08:00

I apologize for my illegible handwriting, click on it if you can't see.
(Buy me a scanner)

I'm quite pissed with Wanchew. Chiefly irritated, partially jealoused (right). Especially when she hugs her shoebag.
edit: DAMN I CAN'T STAND HER SHE'S SENDING ME TWITISH SMS LIKE "ziying... wHyyx aRe Euu angrri witz mii...."

There's this HSC Math Week which Mr Chia talked (shit) about after reccess. I can never relate maths to something interesting, but that's probably because I ~~fuck~~ am not quite good at it. Maths is not a language, you don't go around transmit your emotion and attitude and opinion through a couple of digits aye? Goddamnit, digits are just too solid.

Anyway, those turds who are still calling me Jianing just because Ms Ng had a screw loose and called a wrong name; quit it already :0

Hi there.

2006-07-23T15:00:00.001+08:00

I know this skin is fugly shit but just bear with it kay, I made it light years ago when I was suffering from insomnia.

Anyway, I decided to re-open my blog since I've got nothing better to do. Really, boredom overran me last week and I actually started to play Maple Story. Right. Candella couldn't restrain herself from KS-ing me D:

That's all for now I guess.

deadbeatlove

2006-07-10T22:02:00.000+08:00

School was plainly disgusting.
There ain't no english today but Ms Ng threw me a meaningful smile and walked off smirking while I was explaining my 'health status' to Mr James Tan. Gawd, what more does she want now when I've already cut my mushroom tail and look like a plain (bloody) geeky nerd aye?

I can't find my favourite green Ed Hardy tee & I feel like biting someone's ass off.

Now the critic

2006-07-09T11:42:00.000+08:00

Morning.

Favourite colour(s)?
Black, gray, green, purple, white.

Favourite month(s)?
April & December.

Favourite day(s)?
Sch free days.

Favourite alphabet(s)?
Z, ZZ, ZZZ, ZZZZZZZZZ!

Favourite number(s)?
13, 4, 10.

Favourite memories?
Your bloody head rolling on the floor.

Favourite planet(s)?
Pluto.

Favourite thing(s) to do?
Sex, drugs, rocknroll.

Favourite teacher(s)?
Mr Lua :D

Favourite fruit(s)?
None.

Favourite TV channel(s)?
MTV.

Favourite time(s) of the day? (Morning/afternoon/evening/night)
Night.

Favourite name?
Fraulein Zainy Love Da Queen, duh.

Favourite game(s)?
Truth or Dare.

Favourite country/ies?
None.

Favourite song(s)?
Right now: Never take friendship personal by Anberlin.
All time favourite: December by Hawthorne Heights.

Favourite language(s)?
Gibberish.

Favourite sport(s)?
Volleyball.

Favourite ice cream flavour(s)?
Chocolate & mocha.

Favourite object(s) you possess?
Sam and the computer.

Favourite pen(s)?
None.

Favourite font(s)?
Georgia, verdana & lucida sans unicode.

Favourite book(s)?
Tuesday with Morrie currently.

Favourite footwear brand(s)?
Adidas, Le Coq Sportif, Converse.

Favourite watch brand(s)?
Fossil & Adidas.

Favourite radio station(s)?
Pefect ten.

Slow 'em down

2006-07-08T18:24:00.000+08:00

Well, I thought I'd blog since I've finally finished watching all 16episodes of My Girl, amen.

School was plain chore. We were suppose to go back early on Friday just like other classes, but hell no. Ms Ong came up with an exuberant excuse that Mr Lua insisted higher chinese to proceed as usual. Bullshit man.

Anyway, Nicole and Elephant came over to my house after school. Elephant's iPod is 4GB, I'm so goddamn jealous. Sigh, wonder when I'll save enough money to buy my 60GB iPod Video (ALLEN'S!!). -Staring into oblivion-

[edit] Playlist updated, links updated (: [/edit]

/
I know it hurts to feel so alone.
I'm by myself, more than you could know.

Violence

2006-07-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

I ate the candies inside.
You can never have them back.

Until you hold my hand

2006-07-05T22:02:00.000+08:00

Fine, I'm smothering in the thick insecurity lurking around. Being highly paranoid rubbed it in, I'm becoming more and more suspicious, thus, more antisocial.

I've come to know who reported Rach & I to Ms Lim. The sense of betrayal smote me on my face, heart and soul.

Moodswings come and cling on to me, you'd think it's gone but no. People would tire out preaching 'Everything will be alright' too.

I think I startled Sam just now, by suddenly bursting into tears when his friend told me that I looked pretty. Bloody, his friend left early and left me and Sam there. Undeniably, Sam was way too cute when he tried to stop those 'sadness in the state of liquid' flowing out of my eyes. I probably frightened Dominic too when he messaged me while Sam was walking me home.

The woman proclaiming to be my mum peeped my phone and saw my midnight phone records and perverted messages from Samuel Gan. I'm angry, though it's ice cold.

An accidental overdosage will perhaps save me from drowning but Huiyi just told me not to eat sleeping pills anymore. Besides, I haven't finish watching My Girl Rachel lent me.

Can I not think?
This slow pilgrimage of our hearts apart is all I can take.

I'm sorry I lost myself

2006-07-05T16:53:00.000+08:00

Hello, I saw you, I know you, I knew you.
I think can remember your name :D (naaammeee!)
/

There's so much shit goin' on I don't even know where to start :D

My insomnia is getting betterr with the help of sleeping pills, I can fall asleep before 11 now! Just that I wake up around 4 in the morn with a kinky appetite for supper, lol.

Ms Ng threatened to cut my hair today :0 So I flitted around the school with a dumb tail behind. Met Ms Lim with Rachel (HAPPYY BIRRTHDAYYY!) during recess, she gave us the last warning. Seems that no one believes I'm really sick and someone actually saw us shopping at Whitesands and watching movie during training time :0 Bullshit.

Stayed back to do the reading reflections I owe Ms Ng since last term. Ms Ng is a cow. She asked me to do tomorrow's reading reflection today, outside the HOD room. Cow! Anyway, went to eat Macs with NICOLE & ELIS :D RAAAA I LOVE NICOLE!!!! AND ELIS LA! :D

talk

2006-07-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

Sian.
I hate it when he stays online and is not talking to me. ):

/continues later, another sleepless night it shall be.

Swing Life Away

2006-07-03T12:46:00.000+08:00

I drank all five Yakult (including the green one) last night, waiting for him to bid me goodnight. I changed five nicks, block & unblock him, trying to get his attention. Jason bade me goodnight upon seeing my nick. We did some catch ups and he told me he has quitted smoking. Alicia came up with lousy ideas and demonstrated me the ways of making him bid good night. In the end, he went offline at 2.19am without saying ' goodnight sweet dreams' and I went mad.

Tossing on my bed with eyes wide open, I confronted myself and I thought I was in love.
But the feeling is gone this morn.

It's shocking that Dominic Lim is so cute now:
For all the bane, you'll put up with the pain,
Hope you do not faint or you'll be found lain,
like a flatenned sugar cane.

But it dosen't change that fact that I lack of the determination of going on a diet.

I hate consequences

2006-07-02T22:44:00.000+08:00

Something Random:

I drew that years ago. It's probably that I've always wanted there to be a Superman, not flying around being a saviour, but only to be there for me everytime I fall. That's selfish. That's me.
/

Watched Superman Returns with Rachel today. It's a show relatively good to those I've watched this year. I stretched out my hands, trying to catch the descending superman, and witnessed him landing behind a forest with a loud thud. Rachel laughed like mad and poked me, lol.

P/s. Throw me a scanner, plus a hard disc :0

Face down

2006-07-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

Today sucked.
I didn't want to go for this bloody youth day celebration at all, but I went anyway. 'Cause birthday girl Audrey would rather stay at home and rot instead of watching Superman Returns.

The Sun was so intensely radioactive that all my emotions were drained, so I just went with the crowd and felt empty without an appropriate expression to put on. Like a klutz. It dosen't make sense that I cried again but that's what moodswing has done to me. I'm glad Prisca was with me although she's complaining (in a cute way) most of the time, because I'm not really keen to reconcile with #. It does not matter how many apologies she vindicated, but in a point of fact we've reached a point of no return. The history is playing on repeat, don't tell me like before it's just a phase.

Joanne was soooo childish during the concert.
(That's for posting crapola pictures of me on your blog!)

Took the MRT home with Gracy, Prisca and Deon. I think I'm suffering stomach cramps for sitting on the cold concrete floor ):

Ronin

2006-06-30T21:33:00.001+08:00

Sometimes time will treat you bad,
Before you even know what's wrong.
And in the end it hits you hard,
Please tell me you'll be strong.

The nights are longer

2006-06-30T18:23:00.000+08:00

I'm always sending wrong smses to wrong person recently.

Was talking to Sam online, then suddenly a 20person conversation window popped up and my msn died. Maybe I was hoping that Sam would call me if he didn't see online again, so I didn't sign in again. But he didn't, and was already offline when I signed in again after half an hour.

I cried in school today. It's probably because Peixian yelled at me early in the morning, and Huiyi's actions reminded me of Jamie and Kenny; whom I learnt not to trust girls and whom I learnt not to trust guys. So tears started to wet my eyes when I was walking along the corridor with Gracy, then oozed out when I was apologizing to Xinyan.

I went to the sickbay after I found out that Peixian was in the library and had a good long cry. The girl at the lower deck thought that I was lunatic, for sure. Then Rachel & Prisca came and look for me during Bio, followed by Mrs Wan herself. But I only went back to class take my bag after school.

Peixian came to the library twice when I went back and look for Xinyan. I must have dropped dead and fainted at my seat because I couldn't remember a thing when I woke up there. Underlaying tensions have gotten my nerves all taut tight, with my swelling moodswing. Isn't fair.

This is our Emergency

2006-06-28T18:12:00.000+08:00

When you've finally thrown up your hands,
Poured your heart out, yet nothing stands.
It seems our efforts are wasted,
But yet it hasn't been in vain.

Unfulfillment is killing you,
Seems like no one shares the same view.
We may have never met but,
It might be you who pulls me through.
/

Geez, my mum drove Wanchew & I to school today, weird. She must be thinking that I'm hanging out with those 'undesirable people' again.

Ate Macs for lunch today, with Nicole, Joanne and Elephant. Buahahaha! Ran back to school for the volleyball meeting when I have hardly eaten anything, hai. Then came Sameul Gan marching towards me outside the school gate, holding an ice-cream, hehh :0

Ms Lim said to me smiling, that my problem is not attendance, but attitude. Righhttt.

Talked crapolas at the library with Xinyan & Xiaomin. I think Xinyan literally bursted when I said, " Are you in love with Peixian?" Buahahaha! With Zhenping pointing an accusing finger at me, " Why didn't you ban her from the com?!? SHE ALSO TALKED BAD ABOUT YOUR LAM!!" Roflmao! But then it isn't fair to ban me, I didn't say that 'Peixian has a lot of hair and looks like monster' aye?

Saw Junrong while waiting for the bus with Kimberly, he was on the bus with Farhan ( or something liddat. )

Sam asked me for Superman Returns, heh. Superman Returns with Sam. Nah.

P/s. I'm pissed with #, again.

We're gonna do it differently

2006-06-26T21:37:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I don't think it's very sensible to blog right now, when my mum's threatening to cut off my internet. But yeah, hell.

The first day of school ain't really very bad. I completed most of my homework and wore school socks, and two little black studs on my ears ( Jasmine was so doubtful of my sudden geekiness that she reckons that my earholes are closed :0 ). During English, Ms Ng pulled my hair real hard. I swear if she dares to do it again, she'll regret it and has a lesson learnt. How sad, we're going to part soon as she's going to leave Haising Catholic.

After D&T, went to Tampinese with Huiyi and we both bought a Le Coq Sportif bag. She's super indecisive but having trust in my taste, she took a light blue & violet one and I picked a black & red one.

Can you believe how much it costs? SEVENTY BUCKS. Man, I feel like a robber. I almost bought it for hundred-something back in March, heh.

Anyway, I'm going to bed now. GOOD NIGHT :D

Hands Down

2006-06-25T11:42:00.000+08:00

I think I'm the luckiest kid on Earth by falling ill just one day before the reopening of school, which earned me two weeks off PE and 3 days MC. Great, isn't it?

I look like a mushroom. Got my hair cut on Wednesday with Gracy and Regina. I feel absolutely guilty for going Jean Yip and now I'm broke. Thirty bucks away from my destination. Then Gracy the smartest thing on Earth fixed my PC and they messed up my house, heh.

How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we don't say anything because we're frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship.

blah blah blah.

Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely - but eventually be able to say, "All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well." - Tuesday with Morrie.

By the way, Gracy told me she looks like a nerd now, try to imagine that :0

You can stay tonight.

2006-06-23T00:46:00.000+08:00

There's an itch in my throat, but I'll survive.
I hope it's not too late to get started on Joanne's quest.

1. Name:
ziying.
2. Nickname:
Fraulein Zainy Love Da Queen.
3. Birthday:
13th april.
4. Place of Birth:
Pluto.
5. Zodiac Sign:
Monkey.
6. Male or Female:
Female.
7. Education:
Secondary One.
8. Schools you went to:
International school & Loyang primary.
9. Occupation:
Sinner.
10. Residence:
Earth.
11. Screen Names:
Zainy.
12. Hair Colour:
Black.
13. Hair Length:
going bald.
14. Eye colour:
black.
15. Best Feature:
pimples.
16. Height:
165cm :D
17. Braces?
no.
18. Glasses?
yes.
19. Piercing:
seven.
20. Tattoos:
coming soon.
21. Righty or Lefty:
Right.
22. First best friend:
forgot her name.
23. First Award:
forgot.
24. First Sport You Joined:
forgot.
25. First Pet:
bird.
26. First Real Vacation:
forgot.
27. First Concert:
none.
28. First Love:
ashley.

Favourites.
29. Movie:
It's gonna be Superman Returns.
30. TV Show:
Desperate housewives.
31. Colour:
black.
32. Rapper?
none.
33. Band:
Sksk, Smashing pumpkins, Juliana theory, hawthorne heights, A7x & more.
34. Song Right Now:
We will become silhouettes.
35. Friend:
Too many to name la.
36. Candy:
I hate candy.
37. Sport to Play:
Volleyball.
38. Restaurant:
No particular.
39. Favorite brand to wear:
Vivienne westwood! Ed hardy.
41. School Subject:
None.
42. Animal:
pig.
43. Book:
No particular.
44. Magazine:
Elle, lime.
45. Shoes:
Le coq sportif, converse, adidas.

Currently.
46. Feeling:
Sleepy.
47 Single or Taken?:
Take me home.
49. Eating:
gum.
50. Drinking:
ginseng.
51. Typing:
typing.
52. Online?:
yes.
53. Listening To:
99 with an anchor.
54. Thinking About:
my girl.
55. Wanting To:
cut my hair.
56. Watching:
PC.
57. Wearing:
Bra & Underwear.

Future.
58. Want Kids?
will see.
59. Want to be Married:
will see.
60. Careers in Mind:
head of MOE.
61. Where do you want to live?
pluto.
62. Car?
UFO.
63. Hair colour:
transparent.
64. Hair length:
bald.
65. Eye colour:
green & blue.
66. Measurements:
30 24 33
67. Cute or Sexy:
cool.
68. Lips or Eyes:
arse.
69 Hugs or Kisses:
sex.
70. Short or Tall:
Tall.
71. Easygoing or serious:
wdv.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous:
wdv.
74. Sensitive or Loud:
wdv.
75. Hook-up or Relationship:
wdv.
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One:
wdv.
78. Kissed a Stranger:
wdv.
79. Had Alcohol:
wdv.
80. Smoked:
yes.
81. Ran Away From Home:
yes.
82. Broken a bone:
yes.
85. Broken Someone's Heart:
yes.
86. Broken Up With Someone:
yes.
87. Cried When Someone Died:
yes.
88. Cried At School:
yes.
89. God:
wdv.
90. Miracles:
wdv.
91. Love At First sight:
yes.
93. Aliens:
who call me?
94. Soul Mates:
wdv.
95. Heaven:
wdv.
96. Hell:
wdv.
97: True love:
bite me.
98. Kissing on The First Date:
wdv.
99. Horoscopes:
Aries.

Answer Truthfully.
100. Is there someone you want but you know you can't have?
no.

Good, it's 1.30 in the morning & alicia is going to ring me in -

Mutual Hatred

2006-06-22T15:58:00.000+08:00

Woke up this ~~morning~~ afternoon with a scorching throat. Nonetheless, I'm going to hyperventilate and die. The woman proclaiming to be my mum absurdly grounded me to a degree; I can only go out if I've (fucking) finished all of my homework. That is so mean of her.

For the past few hours, I've been reading that damned vile chinese book for a 600word book report. Omfgwtfbbq, it's so cheem I can die! Raaa! I'm suppose to be either styling my hair with Regina & Gracy or Shopping down the boulevard of Plaza Singaura with Alicia. Hell sheeeeesh.

/
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANNE :D

Sincerely me.

2006-06-21T22:58:00.000+08:00

Hello, I'm hosted.
All thanks to Anthea. She not only helped me to get those troublesome FTP stuffs done, but also did the redirect and what nots. Raa, she's so nice. (:

Excused from training for my menstruation. Until now that I know tea will make it more painful, to think I've been drinking those green tea power I bought from Taiwan because Nosebleed told me hot drinks help.

Went to Audrey's house in the late noon when I was feeling better. It was so fun man, we played Gunbound & Maplestory. And it gave me delightful thrills to spam her friends about John while she went to do her stuffs, nice.

Hey Jo, I'll do the quest tomorrow since it'll be your birthday (:

P/s. I'm going to move out once I've saved enough money rather than wait till I hit sixteen. It's a torment living under the same roof as the woman who raised me but there's nothing I can do but tolerate. Since I have no money, and am too young to get hired for a part-time job, so I will still find my way back to this fucked up house when my money is all used up.

You tried another suicide

2006-06-20T17:32:00.000+08:00

Huiyi just went off for her ballet from my house, leaving behind a scene of disorder.

Anyway, she came over after being late for aprroximately two hours and we she did some of the geography project. Then I started to search for a nice picture to create a new blogskin for her. After looking through almost every website that's uploaded with a picture, (albeit I couldn't find that brownie creature she was trying her very best to describe) we settled for a cute and idiotic looking blue monster in a plastic bag. And I picked phrases from Mordern Swinger by The Pink Spiders to beautify it. Though the blogskin I did is super, I bet she'll continue not bothering to update her blog and it will become another rubbish site that takes up the space in a desolate corner of the internet before long.

Au revoir.
I shall now go think of my superman and not care.

/
走了又是几条路
我们读了又是几本书
它们没任何帮助
tonight

雨天找到一杯茶
我的笑声找到了笑话
你的眼睛特别大
tonight

看着镜子里的我
心里的话不敢说出来
会不会解脱
tonight

I wanna cry I wanna cry
直到你明白我的全世界停在
tonight

I wanna try I wanna try
有没有未来不准谁遗忘变坏
tonight

牵我的手 la la la la

眨眼明天会不会改变
而我们只存在 tonight

With the world at your feet

2006-06-19T20:30:00.000+08:00

THE EXTOLLING TO ALICIA DA GREAT
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Thank you your majesty for movie tickets, deathnote and everything :D
/

My glistening ear.

Just to let you know, I have 4 earholes on my left ear instead of 3.

Ok. We conducted the high element workshop at some secluded dairy farm ( Crystal asked Wanchew why didn't she see any cows when we were boarding the bus.) on a Night Safari bus. Instead of rock climbing, we ~~walked~~ danced on thin wires and crabbed across white nets, as it was drizzling.

Anyway, we were suppose to have training till 6 when we came back from it but hell, I went to catch a movie with Rachel and Ai li si. We watched Cars, 'cause the others are either watched, boring or ranked. I couldn't say that it's very interesting, but overall it's a cute show. OF COURSE, ALICIA THE CUTEST GIRL ON EARTH TREATED US FOR THE SHOW :D

SOTD :D

2006-06-18T21:07:00.000+08:00

Finally Something turned out right :D

Didn't know I'm SOTD until Yasmin told me. Hoho, blogskins' great! But there's still something wrong with the downloads, like a monster is eating the number of downloads, slowly, one by one :0

Lol.

Anyway, this is super embarrasing because I just found out that I only have this stupid white track pants from esprit sports which I bought years ago and it isn't exactly a track pants. And I have to borrow track shoes from my mum because my old one's sole droped out during initial training back from January. This is irritating. Raa.

There's no way our love did fade slowly.

2006-06-18T19:29:00.000+08:00

SUPERMAN :D

WHEEE:D
SUPERMAN IS LOVE!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

2006-06-18T14:37:00.000+08:00

This is fucking annoying.
I can't seem to be able to access into my Blogskins personal info page and there's something wrong with the number of downloads. Blogskins better fix that soon says me. And Youtube is super irritating by suspending uploaders' accounts. RAAA!

[edit]
What more, I have problem loading the fucking e-Learning portal. Go and die la!
[/edit]

Moving forward

2006-06-17T18:04:00.000+08:00

Finally, I handed in my essay with Joanne yesterday and finished the 20 (fucking) SRA cards. Training will be resumed tomorrow and we're doing some height element workshop, I look forward it very as Xueyin Jie is bringing her fiance, Crouchie. Unfortunately, my grandsons Stevie and Beckie are going for their trainings so although they would like to, they can't make it.

Anyway I loaded the photos I took in Taiwan, there are quite a number of 'em but I guess I'll just post some.

Some alley.

Cute aye?

This can be quite romantic if it isn't that crowded.

Peacock.

I was bored on the way.

Alicia gave me :D

Episode 2 :D

They're mini coke & sprite, cute.

Hee, my Pixiu is of the element fire. If you don't know what the hell a Pixiu is, according to Anthea, it has "a dragon's head, a horse's body, lion's claws and horns of a unicorn".

According to the Fengshui master or whoever he is, I'm lack of Fire so I'm lack of motivation. How precise. Anyway he asked me to work in the area of my forte when I grow up and that's when my mum interupted by commenting that I have neither forte nor talent.

On my way back
SIA's super, they actually aired the live World Cup match :D

Believe me when I say this: For the zillionth time, I'm hell gonna go on a diet. Calculating calories and restraining my desire for food.

By the way, I changed a layout. Don't tell me it's simple, because it's meant to be.

'Cause we are more than blood.

2006-06-16T11:05:00.000+08:00

So I'm back. The trip ain't very bad.

From Claire:

Your ten favourites;
favourite color: Black.
favourite food: Dragon meat.
favourite song: Too many to name.
favourite movie: I don't know its name.
favourite sport: Vball.
favourite season: Autumn.
favourite day of the week: Saturday.
favourite icecream flavour: Chocolate.

Nine currents;
current mood: Ready to kill.
current clothes: Ed Hardy tee & esprit undies.
current desktop: Superman.
current toenail colour: Yellow.
current time: 12.
current annoyance: Mum.
current thoughts: This question.

Eight firsts;
first best friend: Forgotten.
first crush: Forgotten.
first movie: Horror.
first piercing: ear.
first lie: Forgotten.
first music: Lullaby from the stereo.
first car: ...

Seven lasts;
last cigarette: Last year.
last drink: Plain water.
last car ride: Yesterday.
last crush: Get crashed.
last movie seen: Firewall.
last phone call: Er.
last CD played: Colour Pallette.

Six have you evers;
have you ever date one of your bestfriends: Ya.
have you ever broken the laws: Ya.
have you ever been arrested: No.
have you ever been skinny dipped: Na.
have you ever been on tv: Ya.
have you ever kiss someone you don't know: No.

Five things you are wearing;
1. Ed hardy top.
2. Esprit undies.
3. Pierre Cardin bra.
4. Leather wrist band.
5. -

Four things you have done today;
1. Wakeup.
2. Shit.
3. Eat.
4. Did I mention shit.

Three things you can hear right now;
1. Tonight.
2. -
3. -

Two things you can't live without;
1. Me.
2. Me.

Things you do when you are bored:
Be bored.

And now, for the five people you tag:
1. Joanne. & anyone who want to do this la.

From Joanne:

Answer truthfully
do you like anyone?
yes.
do they know it?
maybe.
simple or complicated?
simply complicated.

In the last month have u
bought something?
yeah.
gotten sick?
everyday.
been hugged?
no.
felt dumb?
absolutely.
talked to an ex?
yeah.
missed someone?
hmhur.
failed a test?
u bet.
ate cereal?
with milo.
danced crazy?
u dream.
got your hair cut?
haven't.

Unique
nervous habits:
not sure.
can you roll you tougue:
somehow.
can you raise one eyebrow:
ofcourse.
can you cross your eyes:
ya'.
do you make your bed daily:
never.
do you think you are unique:
extraordinary.

Have you ever
given money to a homeless person:
yes.
said I-LOVE-YOU:
ya.
cheated on a test:
more than u could know.
waited all night for a phone call:
yea.
sat and look at the stars:
no.

Manner
do you swear:
haha.
do you ever spit:
on a bastard, enjoyable.
will you cook your own food:
sometimes.
you do your own chores:
forced by circumstances.
you like beef jerky:
nah.
you like pepsi or coke:
pepsi.
you are happy with your hair:
nah we aren't on speaking terms.
you own a dog:
no.
you spend your money wisely:
you hope.
do you like to swim:
no.
when you are bored do you call a friend:
no.
are you patient:
no.

Do you prefer
flowers or candies:
candies.
gray or black:
black.
coloured or black-and-white photoframes:
black&white.
lust or love:
love.
winter or summer:
winter.
tea or coffee:
coffee.
ice-cream or cake:
ice cream.
christmas or thanksgiving:
christmas.
day or night:
night.

Leads summer on.

2006-06-10T11:15:00.000+08:00

4:2
Germany won (:

Anyway, I'm packing up, going on the next ~~train~~ plane to Taiwan. I don't think I'll be left with a lot of cash, but tag/phone the souvenir you expect. I'll try to get 'em.

P/s. Unfortunately, I won't be able to catch today's England vs. Paraguay match. Aww, I hope SIA are airing them! Hee.

Pretty as a car crash!

2006-06-08T12:37:00.000+08:00

Do you know how it feels to wake up at 12.30am sharp?
The feeling is sugary and delightful (:
It fills my head with sweet thoughts and really, ask me anything you want, I'll agree to them all. Seriously. Apologies, help, anything.

Well, I've started on my bookreview for Go Ask Alice. It just happened that my pen ran out of ink when I full-stopped my third paragraph, and it's the only black pen I have ( I think it's actually Jiahui's... ) so it can't be continued unless ~~someone sweet and nice place a shining new Pilot black pen on my desk with a jet-black rose~~ I move my ass out of the house and buy one. And I proudly say that I've also finished reading all 20 SRA cards, just that I haven't got the time to write their answers down on my absent SRA book.

Until Sunday, I resolve to get my hands on:

Book review on Go Ask Alice
Book review on Chinese Cinderella.
Geography project with Huiyi.
20 SRAs.
2 newspaper cuttings at least.

You see, it really feels good to be organised but clear-headedly, I know it won't last long. Anyway, I'll have to make a trip to school again to hand in my ~~compo~~ essay ( I think the deadline is on the 16th).

Heaven help you catch me if I fall

2006-06-07T14:27:00.000+08:00

What a day.
My freaking alarm didn't went off and I only woke at 7.35am when Wanchew phoned. Without brushing my teeth/ combing my hair/ ~~wearing my underwear~~ no anything, rushed downstairs and took a cab with her. Heh. That uncle actually didn't know where is Haising Catholic! Noobish. Hallelujah, reached school at 7.45am, exactly on the spot :]

Training was super tiring la. Same as Monday and tuesday, today's training extended for dunoe-how-many hours. Hai. Trained formation and Ms Lim was there, how nice. Did serving at the end, using underhand. Then Ms Lim said, "NO! ZIYI! MY B GIRLS! MUST USE UPPERHAND!" Wapiang eh.

It's already down to the second week of 'holiday'.
Supposingly, it will be better without Dawson walking around, half-naked, all around the block. And much much more better without my mother's naggings. I always know that I'm not exactly a filial daughter or something like that, and not making her feel easier by flunking exams when I could do a whole lot better and this and that. Maybe after a few more years I'll understand la. Tsk.

/
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how.

It's an essay, not composition

2006-06-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

What is it to become of ~~this world~~ me, I wonder.

01) What is the phone brand?
Motorola

02) What are the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
302

03) What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
Wanchew asking if I was going for training.

04) Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
MELISSA! Omfg.

05) Who's the last person you rang?
Gracy! Haha.

06) Who was your last missed call from?
Huiyi, Huiyi and Private number. Lol, always miss Huiyi's.

07) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
Da Vinci...

08) What does the last message in your inbox say?
Dunman high no Mid Year, only got test. -Xingjie lover.

09)Who comes up under J?
Alot la. Be it Jay Chou, I'm listening to Qingtian and spamming it to Joanne. Heh.

10) Go to your Sent Items - what does the 10th message say?
Go fuck your mother la chao cheebye! -to sweetie pie Kenny.

11) Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
Serene. I dunnoe, her name just suddenly crossed my mind.

12) Who's your network provider?
SingTel.

13) How many messages are currently in your inbox?
28.

14) What do you have as your background?
A pig drawn on 1E3's board, labelled as Daniel (:

15) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under R?
Rachel.

16) Who do you have on speed dial 3?
Mum ( Office ).

17) If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
More than you.

18) Who's the first person who comes up under C?
Cherry. I taught her chinese oral for PSLE. Dunnoe la, weird people and weird names.

19) How many bars of signal do you currently have?
6.

20) What do you have as your main ringtone?
It's forever Vibrate la.

Now, Joanne ~~Ker~~ Kun :D

Sucker love is known to swing

2006-06-05T10:47:00.000+08:00

Holiday: extended period of recreation, esp. spent away from home or travelling; break from work. -POD: Dictionary ( The world's most trusted dictionary.)

I was pondering over and over the defination of Holiday (which I'm having) when I was bathing early in the morn. Very controversially, the answer which I've came up with, shows that I'm not at all having a so-called holiday. Which is heaped with homeworks, assignments and engaged with trainings (not that I'm complaining about this). The thing is, I don't see how much one really can enjoy in a Holiday like this. And that pile of grum shit is mainly for missing the volleyball chalet; My half-naked, 6packed, superman. Can someone get me a tissue?

Yeah, so I'm trying to accomplish my first piece of homework; The Day That Changed My life. Mental I tell ya, I gawked at my margined blank page of composition, and after twenty minues of notion building, I couldn't come up with anything at all. Well, maybe it's just me I thought and asked Yasmin for help. She suggested using Regina's idea of Red Sky In The Morings; birth of a sibling. But that's no use for me, maybe I can feign to have a little brother or what if Ms Ng hasn't (fucking) met my mother and get to know that I'm the only child. Yuen's suggestion is quite unintelligent, he mentioned something about my pet dying and I was so fucked up in grieve that I refuse to eat and almost died too...

Heck.
I LOVE GRACY!

That's a pretty bad blend I admit, but so.
GRACY OWES ME SEX FAVOURSSS!

The safe is unsafe

2006-06-04T17:41:00.000+08:00

I'm back.
There's not much too blog as most of the time I was left alone waiting in the hotel room when my mother went for her meetings. But still I managed to shop a little, don't worry about your souvenirs.

REPLY TO TAGS.

Alicia: Aww =/
Anthea: Will link ya' back soon, enjoy your Taiwan trip.
Audrey: Hello Mrs Ching =D
Claire: AYE!
Alicia: .......
YueQi: Hah, no problem.
Blah: =__=
Diaoz: Dunwan nah.
Rachel: Lol.
Joanne: Updating wor.
Steph: Doing.
Smooches: So do I (:
Heyhey: YA LA!
Eileen: Na take 'em.

Polka dots fill my eyes.

2006-05-28T13:49:00.000+08:00

Helplessly, I'm feeling very empty and lonely.

A raindrop just splashed on my forehead and it was like a tear from heaven. Are the clouds and skies really weeping over me? Am I really alone in the whole wide gray world? Is it possible that even God is crying for me?
-Go Ask Alice

Ta,
Guess I'll be back on Sunday.
Of course, I may use the computers in the lounge.

PARAMORE!

2006-05-27T15:22:00.000+08:00

[edit]
ALICIA IS JEALOUSED! I HEART ALICIA TOO OKAY!
[/edit]

Like my new skin? Haha, I love Paramore =]

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope

This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
(It beats, beats for only you. My heart is your's)
My heart, my heart is your's
(Please don't go now, Please don't fade away)
My heart is your's
My heart is...

-My heart by Paramore.

You do not know.

2006-05-27T09:27:00.000+08:00

Gd' morning =]
& happy holiday!

Haha, my good mood seems to last long. Slunk away when my mother asked me to buy her some water, so I don't really know what happened during her meeting with the principal & Ms Ong & Ms Shee & Mdm Lee. And my mother is way too sophisticated for me to know that by observing. But I'm not actually that keen on knowing, since the storyline hardly change; bad attitude and conduct, smart kid but poor academic. Shrug it off hags.

Guess I'll be busy this holiday. O.O.

Oh, Gwen Stephani gave birth to a baby boy ( name Kingston James McGregor Rossdale ) yesterday, wohoo =D AND I WANT VICTORIA BECKHAM'S GOLD RAZR! Though it looks yellow....

Who's is who's?

2006-05-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

It started off happily, when my first lesson of D&T was spent listening to iPod with Mr Low's voice as some random jarring notes. Then it went a little sulky when I remembered that Elis has gone to Taiwan and Deon was sitting at her place. Followed by awful symphony of alarms ringing in my head during Chemistry. I never knew that it kills from time to time when someone you loved left you. Everything is spinning unstoppably, people walking in and out and out like an inevitably routine. Is it very greedy of me to secretly hope that changes won't happen on the beloved ones? I know it is. If moodswings are, like they say, similar to the weathers, then I won't have to suffer this much.

Training wasn't very tiring today. Mr Lim couldn't make it and Ms Lim was busy, Mr Tan said he would train us but I guess he forgot. Played a mini-match until it rained so we shifted in and played under the staircase area. Spiked till my palm turned black and was too numb to clutch my hand. And then became kind of separated from my body since Wanchew Hi-5ed me when we scored while playing double against Jingting and Caselyn.

Went to Whitesands after training with darlings today. Name Suphalak, Audrey, Regina and Gracy my lao po da ren. Guess what, I saw Keiko there, Lol. Then saw Kelvin Tan on the way home. Two years no see, that brat is so tall now.

I love Gracy (:
I think it will last forever (:
Yeah, I'll love her forever (:

This is directed at you, Kenny Lee.
Jealousy is in everyone, mother nature's gift to us. You feel jealoused, so do I. No matter of it's importance and depth. I feel disgusted of myself to say this, but I can't forget nor forgive what you did, inspite of the help you gave me. I'm just too immature to forgive.

That selfish guy is right, I don't have a open heart.
I hate people who didn't wait for me, I hate people who left me when I needed them. And I will always remember and not forget them.

December

2006-05-24T18:52:00.000+08:00

Mr Wong brought us to the library today.
And I saw superman there.

-
Let's try to remember these days back in December
Our lives were very different
I was lonely when we first met
A small upstairs apartment
Driving through the darkness to get back home
Before they knew you were even gone

You don't have to speak because I can hear your heartbeat
Fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink
You don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love
I'll always know I'm not enough to even make you think

Please, slow down, girl
We're moving way too fast for their world
We've gotta make this last

I miss you so much, a self-inflicted coma
The days drag on I never thought of running with their feet
And when I feel the stress, I'm lonely and depressed
I picture you in the dress you wore four weeks ago

You don't have to speak because I can hear your heartbeat
Fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink
You don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love
I'll always know I'm not enough to even make you think

Please, slow down, girl
We're moving way too fast for their world
We've gotta make this last
I know it hurts to feel so all alone
I'm by myself, more than you could know

If only they were all alone
They were all alone

Please, slow down, girl
We're moving way too fast for their world
We've gotta make this last
Slow down girl
We're moving way too fast for their world
We've gotta make this last

I know it hurts to feel so alone
I'm by myself, more than you could know

If only they were all alone
They were all alone
They were all alone
They were all alone.

My screams got lost in a paper cup

2006-05-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

Don't blame.
Because if you were a bit more fuckin' sensitive and observant you would notice that I wasn't exactly happy. You forced me away and you are to blame. Don't try to imply on me that you want me because you love me, knowing that I hate over-possessive partner and compelling love. I won't give up my freedom for anything, so don't tell me that I should do so because you do. No. Didn't they tell you I'm better off alone? Jason was right, I'm lonely because only my own species can reach in. Rub it in will 'ya.

Photo taking day, I swear I tried my best to smile.
Training was saddening.

It seems that lotsa people are disappointed with me. Wanchew told me that's because they pin their hopes on me, high expectations. Right, come closer and I promise I won't bite. They should know that it's useless apologizing, when I'm already hurt and know they fuckin' do mean it.

I don't know how am I going to present Ms Lim my result.

It's bitter

2006-05-20T14:43:00.000+08:00

No school today =]
Crap, I think I'm the only idiot who's stupid enough to wake at six thirty, thinking that I'm late for school.

Haven't do push-ups for eons and I am actually having training on Monday. The main six for C'boys are already chosen. I don't know what am I feeling right now. Gah. Training makes me happy. I wonder when can I wear contacts again, seeing Dr Raymond in June. I think I can't serve over! Hate to wear spects when playing volleyball. Gah. What am I talking? Gahgahgah.

Mate, my destiny is all depended on you.

I think i love you
So what am i so afraid of
Afraid that i'm not sure of
A love that there's no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of
Though it worries me to say
That i've never felt this way

I need to go on a diet!

Beats for only you

2006-05-19T23:05:00.000+08:00

Yah, right, now exams are over so I need not to mug anymore & so have to do quests already right? Damn.

1. How many crushes u have ?
None at the moment if u exclude superman. I'm already over motivation (:

2. I will recommend this song called ... by...
Save your scissors by City and Color. I'm listening to it now (:

3. Mummy, when i grow up i want to be :
Your nightmare.

4. Describe yourself and your features with at least 5 points:
Well, I have seven heavenly adorable earholes, my eyebrows are quite thin because Steph Jie just plucked them for me o__O, my fingernails are black in colour, my toenails are metallic, I have hairs, over.

5. Ok now. the most intimidate thing you done to the opp. sex is:
Why don't cha go to hell?

6. Your next dream present will be:
Pinhole camera/Vivienne Westwood orb necklace (VERY LONG ALREADY HOR).

7. What do u want to tell your current crush/ex/current lover?
Mr Lua is my current lover and he's extremely cute.

8. Final question, who are the next people to do this Quiz?
Claire, Joanne & Huiyi.

Done. G'night.

Falling Skylines

2006-05-19T15:54:00.000+08:00

I heart Superman & Mr Lua (:

LATEST UPDATE

EL Paper3: 103/130. Paper2: 22/35.
Biology: 23/40.
Maths Paper1: 29.5/50. Paper2: 30/50.
Chinese Paper1: 39.5/70.

Theoretically, I'm quite satisfied with them. I mean, although it's indeed deplorable compared with Grace's or Elaine's. But, I have improved so stfu mother :D

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Superman!

It is impossible to fold superman more than seven times.
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of superman orbiting the Earth!
If you break superman, you will get seven years of bad luck!
It's bad luck to put superman on a bed.
Superman can sleep for three and a half years!
The average human spends about 30 days during their life in superman.
Superman is the only king without a moustache on the standard pack of cards.
The International Space Station weighs about 500 tons and is the same size as superman!
Four-fifths of the surface of superman is covered in water.
American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating superman from each salad served in first class.

Got it from Laura and it's so.....

SUPERMAN <3

2006-05-18T09:56:00.000+08:00

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ANYONE WANA WATCH THIS WITH ME?

P/s. HOHOHOHO TRAINING WILL BE RESUMED ON MONDAY !

Am I alone?

2006-05-17T16:02:00.000+08:00

So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known
And if it ends today
Well I'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's yours then I'll take mine
Must we go there
Please not this time, no not this time

Well this is not your fault
But if I'm without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does

If you run away now
Will you come back around

And if you ran away
I'd still wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright

I'd wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright
I'll wave goodbye tonight

Bye exams (: Bye internet ): Not quite likely but I still hope that my mum would let it go like that. Anyways, fuckin' pleased that exams are over. Having training on this Friday. Well, I suppose that I'm counted as, somehow, lucky. The guys are having theirs tomorrow, which is Marking day, and so... NO SCHOOL (: Lol, went to look for that Sarah Toh with Gracy today and we walked 'round the whole school and she's nowhere in sight. Wth, when I don't wish to see her she's literally everywhere.

~~Literature~~ Sucked at the poetry part with "flowing breast" blah di blah.
~~Maths Paper 1~~ I WANT TO PASS
~~Maths Paper 2~~ PASS ME PASS ME PASS ME
~~Geography~~ Flunked. Badly. Very.
~~Science~~ Chem & Physics are okay, Bio is shit
~~English Paper 3~~ So-so la.

Well, Ms Ng embarrassed ( Wtf, I misspelt as embarrased for the Spelling section ) a lot of people today when giving out our EL paper 1 in the Hall. Got mine back, 17/30. Barely passed. Right, I know I deserve that for using slangs. She even highlighted my name in Pink and Yellow like wth is she colour blind =.=; Went to read comics with Huiyi after that. Proceeded on with my NANA and I strongly recommend book 7 ( Check it out xD ) for people above 12. Huiyi took Bleach and her first reaction was "Omg, Chinese!" Then disturbed me for the whole session.

P/s. I THINK THERE'S A HIGHER CHANCE OF WINNING THE DEBATE AGAINST MY MUM FOR INTERNET CONNECTION IF I PASS ~~MOST~~ ALL OF MY EXAMS ESPECIALLY MATHS SO PRAY FOR ME OKAY :D